After my last rant, it is about time I apologise to anyone who happened across it. Herewith my humble apologies....
Easter break is in sight with 5 weeks that will be packed with study (and hopefully work). The composition is interesting at the moment......atonal stuff which I love (rather suprisingly). I think the fact that I don't have to plan ahead too far is what I enjoy - just going with it seems to be the best thing.
Whilst my body decides to have a melt down my hair has taken the brunt of my emotions and is now the shortest it has been for over 30 years...... husband really not too sure. I like the fact that I don't have to worry about it, just wash it and go, but it does feel like I'm wearing a hat all the time! Odd..... and I don't think I'll be getting it trimmed too soon.
All the crap that has been going on this year has led me to re-think some things which my sub-conscious firmly believes (as they've been entrenched there for several decades). The biggest issue is one of pain.....not levels of (and excruciating comes to mind), how much we get but, and it's a big BUT, the reason why we get it..... Ok we manage to cut our finger when putting the paper into the printer/copier what ever. Ouch! That's not what I'm talking about here...... it's the pain that is on-going, that is un-ending.....that really wears you down or completely debilitates you...... why? Well, somewhere in my sub-conscious I get this type of pain (and have had it on many occasions) because I am a horrid person.....the pain is my punishment for being so horrid. Now isn't that just bizzare. I'm not a horrid person, I am generally quite passive, let others get on with things, don't like conflict, haven't been convicted of anything, love my family and friends and would do anything to help them. I know I'm not horrid, but my sub-conscious doesn't recognise this. (Freud would have a field day I tell you!). So my mantra for the next few weeks - now that I've finally put this out of my brain and into the world, is to turn my sub-conscious around and letting myself be nice to me and hopefully the pain of the bad back, the painful feet, the muscle spasms and the potential burbling appendix will go away......
Music at the moment is Messiaen - The Dove - beautiful.
Baking - Whoopie pies.
x x x
